Things I Learned From My Closet, Lesson #2

Me, when I was in college:

Big (and very tight) booty.
Big (pre-baby) boobies.
Big (huge!) ego to match all of the above.

With all of that goin' on, imagine me, at 20, sauntering into a Latin dance club one night with my girlfriends,  wearing a very tight somethin'-somethin' that showed off all of my...

assets...

and just knowing that I was the effin' bomb.

After getting stamped at the door so I wouldn't be served alcohol,  I was preparing to run/walk to the ladies' room to wash off said stamp so I could get to the bar and order that Whiskey Sour one of my girlfriends introduced me to.

Instead, I got called back by one of the big, surly guys at the door.

As I turned around and strutted back to the guy (ready to turn him down cuz he really wasn't my type anyway), I thought to myself,

"Dang, Kish, this dress is working already! I bet he and the other guys were talking about me when I walked by.  Don't blame them." 


Smiling nicely anyway, I stood in front of him, watching as he leaned forward preparing to throw his mack-daddy lines to me (no doubt).  I listened intently as he whispered into my ear,


"You have a price tag hanging out the back of your dress."


!!!!!!!!!!!!


Fast-forward now to a few months ago:
After a harrowing half-hour in the fitting room of the Gap with P, I finally gathered my child, my wares, and my wits and made it to the register.

While in line, a young lady, standing with her boyfriend behind me, gently tapped me on my shoulder.

Guess what she told me?

"Umm...ma'am, you have a tag hanging out..."

And guess what I did?

I began:
Thanking her quickly...
Ripping the tag off...
Thinking, Did she just call me ma'am?...
Trying to save face...
And mumbling some excuse in which I use P as the reason for my flust-rations and my inability to leave the house appropriately.

Then I began panicking because the dress I was wearing was also from the Gap...
What if she/they thought I put the dress on while in the fitting room and now I was trying to steal it?


Luckily, in both situations, I wasn't arrested for underaged drinking (and can you be arrested for being a stupid egomaniac?) or for shoplifting.

But I did take away a lesson which I'd like to share with you today:

Don't forget to rip those tags off and have a happy day!

(By the way, I no longer have that twenty-year old ego...or twenty-year old body, for that matter!)